rumors

Hey friends!

Liar. Slut. Manipulator. Faker. These are all words people have used to describe me. Here’s the thing though: they don’t.

Rumors suck. I wanted to come up with a more sophisticated way to say that, but that’s it. They suck. They hurt and most of the time they’re not even true. They suck ten times more when they started from someone you used to trust.

I wish there was a line I could feed you, something for you to say or do that would automatically make everybody understand what really happened, what the truth is, who you really are. But I don’t have that answer, because it doesn’t exist. What I can share with you is my own experience.

I’ve made some TikTok videos on rumors, but the ones I discussed there were relatively light. The ones that really hurt targeted who I am as a person, my values, my character. Those things are far more important to me than my accolades or accomplishments. I remember the moment when I discovered that someone who had hurt me deeply, had lied to me, broken my trust, had started spreading incredibly harmful rumors about me. I remember thinking, Why? Haven’t you done enough damage? This was different than the rumors I’d heard about myself in the past. The words cut deeper because they came from someone I thought cared about me, that I thought would always stand by me. This person knew the words they were saying weren’t true, and yet, they said them anyway. I watched in silence as it felt like everyone around me who used to trust me fell victim to the lies that were so convincingly told. I wanted so badly to just scream, You know me! You know that’s not true! I wanted to tell everyone what really happened, and a larger part of me than I’d like to admit just wanted revenge.

But I didn’t pursue that. I didn’t pursue that because I realized something important: I have a very, very small circle of people in my life whose opinions about me I really, truly care about. All of those people know exactly who I am. As long as those people believe me, I decided to let everything else go. Not because what’s happening is right or honest (because, clearly, it isn’t), but because it’s not worth my energy to run around convincing everyone else of who I am. I decided to pour my energy into the things I care about: theatre, Girl Scouts, school, and time with people with whom I share a mutual love and respect. This isn’t a magic cure, those rumors are still very much going around about me. And of course, it still hurts sometimes. But, I can’t pour all of myself into correcting the narrative, because the damage has been done. There was nothing I ever could have done to prevent that. My power over my own story was taken from me, as is the case with most rumors. It’s not fair, it’s not right, and I don’t have to pretend that it is or that I’m ok with it.

Here are some ways I’ve coped with the rumors going around about me:

• I reset my boundaries. In this particular situation, I had no evidence of what really happened because all of our communication had occurred over a platform that did not save the messages. So, I reset my boundaries: no further communication that I did not have record of. Not only did I reset this boundary, but I stuck by it. And that’s ok. It is ok to create boundaries, to decide what you are and are not comfortable with.

• I stopped spending time with people I felt that I could no longer trust. I started being conscious of who I was spending time and energy on, and which relationships were worth it to me to pursue. While part of this was decreasing time with people, I also realized during this process that there were some people in my life that I had never invested enough energy into that became very rewarding and fulfilling friendships <3

• I learned to be ok with being alone. I wrote a little bit earlier about how I don’t want to waste my time and energy attempting to piece together an already shattered narrative, and sometimes that means finding myself in a situation where everyone around me believes something about me that is completely untrue. Instead of trying to convince them, I’ve found comfort in my own company and solace in my own opinion of myself.

• I learned to be professional without letting my guard down. I can be cordial, I can be mature, and I can get through a meeting or event with people I don’t particularly care for without becoming their BFF. I communicate with whom I need to communicate to ensure that my boundaries will be adhered to, and then I enjoy the activity or event that I’m attending.

I tell you this for a couple different reasons:

One, I want you to know that the pain you feel because of a rumor at your expense, that’s real. And it hurts. And it sucks. And, most importantly, you’re not alone, and I promise that it will get better. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but trust me on that one, ok?

Two, I want to share my experience with you not because I am suggesting you do exactly what I do, but because it’s my hope that my experience can inspire you to find your own healthy coping mechanism.

Journey Strong!

Strongly,

Linda Paige